Hope (Old Life) (hannah’s child)

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HOPE (OLD LIFE) LYRICS
© Copyright Pamela Joy Crawford 2003   l   Album: hannah’s child

In my old life, I fought the wrongs with conviction,
Passion and single minded drive fuelled by anger.
Just causes bred, my head reeled back and forward
But my soul still was not fed.

So in my old life, I laughed and played,
Stroked my appetite for pleasing feelings.
But in my old life, time just went by
Hanging further over the cosmic abyss of nothingness.

I heard a call, a quiet gentle call.
But I hopped on my bike and I raised my hands over my ears
And I rode, still screaming at the sky fallen.
I rode, I rode, I rode.

So even though I was hanging over a cliff,
I still thought that I knew best.
But my old life came tumbling down,
Crashing around my feet, until I gave in.

I cried out to Jesus to save me, to heal me,
To show me the way, to forgive my sin
And give me eternal life with Him in heaven
And peace while I’m living until then.
It’s peace.

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Behind the song

Hope is the story of my old life as an angry drug addicted social justice fighter who has a distinct change from despair to hope.

I felt like I tried so many things to be able to live in peace with myself and the world.  I tried to make a difference in the things that marginalised oppressed groups.  But the problems multiplied faster than resolutions.

I tried supernatural spiritual activities to get some euphoria (meditating with spirits) but started to feel oppressed in destructive thoughts that threatened to overcome me even though I made all the prescribed efforts to protect myself from ‘evil spirits’.

I then tried to escape it all in moments of peace with drugs.

But I ended up addicted to substances and suicidal in my spirit.

Only when the choices were gone and I was prepared to die to escape the panic, did I cry out to the Jesus I had been taught about.  If only I had cried out earlier rather than blaming Jesus for every injustice I could see.  For the moment I cried out, His spirit soothed my soul and started me on a journey of reason, purpose, healing, love and hope.